Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
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