dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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