this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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