you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
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