How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize