the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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