So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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