I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
