if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
