We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
