How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
