To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
