What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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