I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
