I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
