Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.