apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize