We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
This is my gift to your gina
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
