So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
