His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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