So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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