He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
