I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I want to walk on stilts...naked
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
