No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
