mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
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