The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
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