Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
