Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Randomize
