Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
everyone is single if you try hard enough
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
