she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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