I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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