see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
