Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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