bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Randomize
