On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
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