so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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