pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
