Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
