Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Fuck appropriateness.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
