We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
