Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
