We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I just saw a hot homeless man
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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