if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
