Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
