im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Sorry my hands just texted you
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
