I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize