Tell her she can't have a vagina
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
