Will you blow on my dice?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
