The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
