We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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