i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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