I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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