I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
there is glitter all over my balls
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
