Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
