I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
