omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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