Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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